We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
high people should be assigned attendants
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
