you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Randomize