I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Randomize
