Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
