i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
