It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
