well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
