Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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