but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
