Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize