He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
