so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
