At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
