I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize