dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
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