Nicole vs. Life
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
