I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
