i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
