I am full of burrito and curiosity
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize