I just pynch a tree in the face
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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