Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
