thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
