Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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