doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
