Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
