My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
