I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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