ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
