New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize