then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
