That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
