You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
