it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
