Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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