everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
