My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
