it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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