8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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