you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Hippo gnu deer
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
