How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize