Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
