i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
