Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
