I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
