apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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