Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
