I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize