i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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