How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
