i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
