My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
