Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
