She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
i need some magic done to my vagina
These tits shall not be calmed
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
