Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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