doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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