Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
