I wish I could teleport
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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