Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
