she was so not down for the gang bang
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
It was confusing and full of hummus
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
