Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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