Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize