Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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