look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
