Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I feel great
I just peed on a car
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
