I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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