Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Randomize
