I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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