i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize