I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Randomize
