i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
