that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
