Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
