I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize