i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I have post one night stand depression
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