so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Green mimosas i think yes
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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