I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
