my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Randomize
