the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
