Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
