Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize