there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
