Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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