I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
