Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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