I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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