I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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