Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
