he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I got inside last night via doggy door
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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