it was like his penis was on wheels.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I deserve this hangover.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
