I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
