dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
