I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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