But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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