If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize