just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
