You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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