After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Randomize
