i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
