i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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