Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize