What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
