seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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