i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
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