Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
